just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
