So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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