No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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