Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
