i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
