Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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