I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize