I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Randomize