Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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