I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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