He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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