I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize