dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm like, not good at living.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
