oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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