Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
