my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
