Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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