I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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