Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
