Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
