Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
