We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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