i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
only you would photoshop your dick
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My ass is underappreciated
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
