I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
