i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
