no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize