eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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