We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
