Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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