how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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