im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize