I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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