Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
