hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
