God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
