He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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