My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
A+ Viking dick
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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