I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
