last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
