Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
