you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
