this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How many fucks given?
0.12846
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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