I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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