It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
