if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
