mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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