Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
