I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
