you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
