Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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