no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
