He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize