He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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