david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
