Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
