K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
