I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you didnt know i had herpes?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
