I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
