There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
