whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
