when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
