should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
