So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize