in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
