Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
