i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'd cum for enchiladas.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
