the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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