Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
