So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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