I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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